


Delivered from Despair

by ohayohimawari



Series: Romance of the Retired Kage [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Romance, Bathing/Washing, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It's Time For Them To Be Happy, Kakashi Likes It Anyway, Long-Distance Relationship, Mei Struggles With Making Dinner, My Poor Tragic Ninja Beans, Oral Sex, POV Hatake Kakashi, POV Terumi Mei, Past Character Death, Romance, Sex, Slow Romance, Terumi Mei Backstory, Time For Her To Meet Dad, Vaginal Sex, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-04 11:47:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18343073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohayohimawari/pseuds/ohayohimawari
Summary: These adorable, awkward shinobi are back and stumbling their way through romance, as their developing relationship continues into spring.





	1. Arrivals

**Author's Note:**

> I know I've centered these fics around holidays, but the ones that occur in spring are either too religious or don't lend themselves well to the world of this ongoing romance. So I've chosen to honor spring in general with this installment. 
> 
> I do not own these characters; I'm having a wonderful time exploring them.

Mei had eagerly quit the habit of waking early to an alarm since the first day of her retirement, yet she found herself opening her eyes to the darkness of the predawn world. Her sleep had been disrupted by the loud and welcome chatter that came from a group of birds near her bedroom window.

She closed her eyes and stretched, smiling at the cheerful noise. She laid there, listening, singling out and focusing on one particular chirp, and then another, relishing the sound. Mei didn’t rely upon calendars and groundhogs; she preferred to trust the birds to announce the next stage of the year. The early morning chorus meant one thing to her.

Spring had finally arrived.

Though Mei was thankful this signaled an end to the cruel, cold winds that lashed at her face and stole her breath; this season was otherwise unremarkable in Kirigakure. There was never much snow to cover the ground there, and only the shallowest bodies of water would freeze over during winter. It would still be some time before the dried and greyed field grasses would be replaced by new green growth. She enjoyed the sight of the crusts of ice that broke apart and began to shrink, though only from a distance. The ground along the shorelines would still be hard. The beaches were unpleasant at this time of year too; the damp and icy sand that seeped into her sandals chilled her whole self. Nevertheless, the birds’ song held the promise that warmer days would soon arrive, and that was enough for her to wake up feeling happy.

Mei imagined that spring would be something to behold in the Village Hidden in the Leaves, and she wondered if Kakashi shared her enthusiasm for the change of season. Her mind conjured countless tiny, bright green bulbs of budding leaves sprouting from every branch of every tree within and around that village. She supposed that many of the trees could be flowering as well.

Her eyes flew open at the impulse to chase spring all the way to Konoha. The longer Mei thought on it, the more she wanted to go. Kakashi would not be expecting her, but the idea of surprising him in person before their daily phone call was quickly becoming an irresistible one. After all, he’d come to her home uninvited when she was sick and stayed until after he’d had his turn with the virus. She smirked, recalling the memorable evening when she finally got to wear the second half of his Valentine’s Day gift. His reaction thrilled her then, and it made her want to be near him that much more.

Mei rolled over and checked the clock on her nightstand. It would still be a couple of hours before the train station even opened, but she was too excited to go back to sleep. She knew the daily schedule almost by heart from traveling to and from Konoha so often, anyway. The sooner she was packed and prepared, the sooner she could leave. Her plan seemed better with each passing moment, so she got up and began to put it in motion.

 

 

It was midday when the disguised Godaime Mizukage stepped off the train in Konoha. Mei hadn’t changed the appearance of her suitcase as it had become the thing that Kakashi used to identify her, as she always donned a different henge whenever she came to visit him. She knew he wouldn’t be among the crowd that waited at the station, but she thought it would be a fun joke if he recognized it, in case she happened to pass him on her way to his apartment. Her overactive imagination had conjured several scenarios that would begin her surprise visit, and all of them had the same happy ending. Each first kiss they shared after time away from each other was heartfelt and ardent. Even as she walked, her toes curled in anticipation of that moment when she would feel suspended in a time and space that seemed to be reserved just for them.

However, Mei didn’t cross paths with Kakashi on the way to his home. He didn’t answer when she buzzed his apartment to open the door to his building for her, either. She was contemplating blowing her cover and walking up the side of the building to his kitchen window that doubled as his preferred entrance when another familiar, booming voice addressed her. “Who’re you?”

Disguised as she was, Mei wouldn’t have expected Gai to recognize her. She approached him, pulling her suitcase with her so she could reply in a hushed voice. “It’s me, Mei. I wanted to surprise Kakashi, but it appears he’s not at home.”

“Oh!” Gai did his best to be subtle, quickly lowering his voice after this first exclamation. “Ah, well, he _will_ be surprised, I have no doubt of that. He must not be back yet, from…well, he must be running an errand.” Gai’s prominent eyebrows furrowed, betraying his worry as he cast his gaze to the ground.

“Has something happened?” Mei’s voice raised a little in her alarm. Gai’s facial expression, especially his lack of blinding smile, had spoken louder than his words.

“N-no! No, nothing’s wrong. It’s just, well, I-I don’t think it’s my place to say—”

“Gai, whatever your challenge is, can we do it a different day?” Mei turned her disguised face in the direction of Kakashi’s voice. She watched his eyes narrow as they scanned her from top to bottom, then widen in shocked recognition of the suitcase she still held. His eyes then darted back up to her face.

While realization dawned on Kakashi’s visible features, Mei felt her own eyes grow larger as she took in the small bouquet he carried, that couldn’t have been meant for her. This was definitely not among the imagined scenarios of surprising her lover. She felt her voice failing her before she could speak a word. While her mouth opened and closed soundlessly, she pointed at the flowers in his hand.

Without another word, Gai pivoted his chair to depart, giving the pair privacy. As soon as his rival was out of hearing range, Kakashi finally broke the silence. “I didn’t know you were planning to visit.”

“I thought I would surprise you.” Mei didn’t know how she managed to get the words out when her throat felt like it was closing up.

“Mission accomplished, then.” Kakashi sighed, looking upwards and then closed his eyes for a moment.

Mei would’ve turned on her heel if her legs hadn’t felt like lead weights when he looked at her again and said, “We should have this conversation upstairs.”


	2. Transition

Mei’s heartbeat thrummed in her ears as she stood in Kakashi’s kitchen. She dispelled the henge she’d donned for traveling there but couldn’t relax further than that. She hadn’t even let go of the suitcase or the urge to run away as she stood, watching Kakashi set the flowers down on his table. He then turned his back to her, placed his hands on his kitchen counter, and her mind raced, offering up every dreaded word she would never want to hear him say.

Seconds passed like hours as Mei waited for him to speak. She held her tongue as questions and accusations born of anger and fear began to crowd it. Then she held her breath too when Kakashi finally did move to retrieve a large glass from a cupboard. He filled it with water and set the flowers within it before he turned to face her.

His visible features didn’t betray anger, or guilt and Mei silently cursed the mask he wore for preventing her from gleaning anything of his thoughts from his face. Then Kakashi’s eyes softened as he continued to look at her. “I do prefer it when you look like yourself, though I’m not sure that will make this easier for me.” He reached a hand out to her after he spoke.

Mei glanced at his outstretched hand but didn’t take it. Her eyes snapped back to his, quickly searching them to discern something, _anything_ in his exposed expression to give away his thoughts. Kakashi’s eyebrows knit together and he tilted his head, puzzled by her behavior. It was enough to crack the dam that held back the tidal wave of words churning in her mouth.

“Of all the things I thought could happen…I didn’t think this would happen…and I’m not even sure I have the right to _be_ angry…I see now I shouldn’t have come unannounced.” Mei’s jumbled thoughts barely made sense to her as they began to leak out.

Kakashi was even further from understanding her, as he latched onto the last thing she said. “Why did you come? Have I forgotten some—” He didn’t get the chance to finish his question before the dam burst altogether.

“There were birds this morning! They were so lovely, waking me up. And I thought of you! Oh,” Mei began to wring her hands, embarrassed and unable to stop herself. “It’s finally spring but it doesn’t look like spring in Kiri and I wanted to see green things so I thought ‘I’ll go to Konoha,’ then I hopped on the first train to hurry here and like an idiot I thought it would be a fun surprise but here we are and now I’m afraid of what you might say to me-I can’t even guess at your thoughts when you wear your mask and **_whoarethoseflowersfor?!?!_** ”

Kakashi stared at her, eyes wide open. It took him a few beats to catch up to the question at the end of her rushed words. “They’re for my father.”

“ **What?** ” Mei practically shrieked the word in her anxious state, but his answer stopped her panic short. “But I thought…I thought…ungh,” the thoughts she couldn’t speak were punctuated by a guttural sob that came from deep within her throat.

Mei covered her face with her hands, humiliated that she couldn’t control the onslaught of emotion. She felt Kakashi’s arms wrap around her.

“I think I’m starting to understand what you thought.” He kissed the top of her head as she leaned into him. “What man on earth could do that to you, hmm? I couldn’t.” He kissed her head again, his bared lips lingering this time as he chuckled a little. “It must be exhausting being you.”

“You have no idea,” Mei muffled her sobs into his chest.

She grabbed fistfuls of his shirt in both of her hands, pulling Kakashi closer against her. Mei didn’t open her eyes as she tilted her face up toward his. “I don’t want to share you,” she whispered just before she found his lips with hers.

Unlike her daydreams up to that point, the first kiss they shared after time away from each other was a desperate one. Mei pressed her lips flush against his as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She gently bit his bottom lip, gripping his hair in her hands, claiming him as hers.

Kakashi grunted into her mouth as his body reacted. Mei felt herself pinned between him and the wall behind her. She thrust her tongue into his mouth so deeply, the tip of her nose pressed flat against his cheekbone from the force of her kiss. She thrust her hips forward too, seeking the proof she needed that he wanted her, and only her.

She found it, and a molten heat erupted between her legs as she rubbed herself against him. Kakashi matched her desire and then increased their rhythm. They pressed their foreheads together; Mei felt his hot breath fan her face with each pant. She rocked her body against his, over and over until he’d become so hard it was almost painful for them to continue.

Mei released her grip on his hair to free him from his trousers. She met his fiery gaze when Kakashi lifted her onto his hips. Her legs wrapped around him, she shifted her garments, and she leaned back so she could study his face as she took him fully inside of her. She smirked, triumphant when his eyes rolled back into his head before he closed them.

She moved against him frenetically, in her primal need to possess him and to feel possessed by him. Mei laced her fingers together behind his neck, clinging to him while bracing herself against the wall behind her. Kakashi pushed into her deeply, his baritone voice rumbling inarticulate utterances with every lunge. His total abandon drove her to orgasm, and as it surged through her, she cried out his name.

Mei could feel her body pulling at him from the inside, taking all that Kakashi gave while he climaxed within her. She heard her own name chanted aloud as he lingered in the apex that she’d begun to come down from.

As they caught their breath, she watched his eyes blink open. Mei met his gaze for only a moment before she closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his. She kissed his lips softly, twice, and repeated her whispered words against them. “I don’t want to share you.”

Then Mei lifted her head and looked into his eyes. She brought one hand to cradle the side of his bared face. Kakashi leaned his cheek into her palm, and she caressed his lips with her thumb. “I want to hear anything you have to say. Whatever it is that you’re afraid to tell me, don’t be.”

It was then that Mei felt suspended in that time and space that seemed to be reserved just for them. She hoped the present physical connection of their bodies proved her total acceptance of him, more than her words ever could.


	3. Growth

“My father,” Kakashi began before he stopped and sighed.

It was the third time he broached the subject and the third time he’d fallen short of continuing it. Mei sat opposite of him, at the end of his sofa that she usually occupied when she visited. She waited patiently and quietly-two things she typically struggled with, though not at this moment. She observed Kakashi carefully as he looked down at the cup of tea he held. He brought it to his lips, drank from it, and sighed once more.

He kept his eyes cast downward, his fingers fiddling a little around the cup he held. Often, it seemed his every action was deliberate, so when he displayed any absentminded gestures, Mei had come to recognize them as tell-tale signs that Kakashi had something heavy on his mind. She was happy to know that he had become comfortable enough in her company to allow these personal tics around her, and she wished she could put him further at ease now. Her arms longed to wrap around him, her fingers wanted to comb through his stubborn silver cowlicks to soothe him, but she didn’t think that would help. She sat still, gripping her own cup of tea and waited until he was ready to try again.

“My father’s name was Sakumo, but people knew him as The White Fang.” Kakashi kept his eyes down, and to Mei’s surprise, he chuckled under his breath before continuing, “He definitely had the better nickname. I forgot to tell him that.”

Without raising his head, Kakashi glanced at her and asked, “Have you heard of him?”

As much as Mei wished she had, she hadn’t. “No,” she said softly, shaking her head a little.

Kakashi looked down again, nodding a little. “That’s probably for the best. I was almost attacked by the last person that mistook me for him. At least he didn’t go after anyone in your family; that’s a relief.” He took a sip of his tea.

_‘He couldn’t have gone after anyone in my family,’_ Mei thought, then pushed the thought away as quickly as it had come so she could return her full attention to Kakashi.

“He wasn’t so fearsome to me. He raised me by himself. My mother passed when she was very young, and before I was old enough to have any memory of her. Dad did his best, and his best was more than good enough for years. I knew he was a powerful shinobi and highly respected in the village. Well, for the most part.” Here Kakashi paused again, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “I’m getting ahead of myself.” He took another sip of tea.

“We were happy, or at least I was happy when I was a boy. I was pretty young when I became a genin, and while I knew he was proud of me, he made sure it didn’t go to my head. He kept me grounded and reminded me that I should always push myself to improve. Dad’s the one that said Gai would be an excellent rival for me. I didn’t believe him at the time, but boy, was he right about that.” Kakashi chuckled again, and even Mei smiled at it.

“Anyway, things started to go downhill during the Second Shinobi War. Dad was away a lot during that time, as you can imagine, running missions during a war. The Sandaime wasn’t quite sure where to place me because even though I was a genin, I was still so young. Dad was away protecting the village while I was saving all the runaway cats within it.”

Mei couldn’t help the quiet giggle that burst out of her when he said this. The idea of a very small, very serious and spiky-haired Kakashi as he chased cats-‘missions’ that he would later brag about to his father-was an endearing one. She was about to apologize for her reaction when Kakashi looked up and issued a small, but genuine smile.

Kakashi looked down at his cup again as his smile faded. “There was a mission, I didn’t know much about it at the time, but when Dad returned from it, everything changed. I learned later that, he’d chosen to abandon a mission for the sake of his teammates. I know now it was a difficult decision for him to make, especially because it blew up in his face.” Kakashi gripped the cup he held, and Mei noted the tension in his fingers.

“He saved his teammates, but the decision to place them above the mission put others in danger and resulted in another tragedy. Almost overnight, he went from being respected to despised. The villagers blamed him, his teammates blamed him, and Dad blamed himself.” Kakashi brought the cup to his mouth again, but before drinking from it, he added, “He never recovered from that.”

Mei now understood why this was so difficult for Kakashi to share with her. She had an inkling of what was to be said next, and she could feel her heart breaking for him.

“I didn’t want to tell Dad, but it affected what kind of missions I was assigned. I was running around pretending to be busy until it began to storm that day, so I ran home and… I found him.”

Mei brought her hand up to her mouth to stifle her reaction. She was sure Kakashi still saw it, even though he hadn’t raised his head or his eyes to her. He picked up the story again, speaking the words more quickly.

“I ran out of the house and straight into Shikaku Nara. You know Shikamaru,” here he glanced briefly at Mei. “Shikaku was his father. I ought to have got flowers for him too.” Kakashi reached for the teapot they had brought with them to where they sat on his sofa. He refilled his cup as he continued. “I have no idea what I said to them, Shikaku and his teammates I mean, but they came running back to the house with me. Inoichi went inside, Choza blocked the door, and Shikaku stayed outside with me. Their teamwork was always impeccable.” Kakashi reclined back to his position on the sofa opposite of Mei. “The rest is kind of a blur but, they grabbed some things of mine, and I stayed at the Nara house for a couple of evenings, while everything was seen to. The service was held the next day; it all happened quickly and quietly. The Sandaime spoke, but I don’t remember what he said. I’m sure it was kind, though. Gai and his Dad were there, as well as Shikaku, Choza, and Inoichi of course. I think Jiraiya and Tsunade would’ve come if they had been in the village at the time.”

Kakashi raised his replenished teacup to his mouth, then lowered it without drinking from it. “Today is the anniversary of his death, and tomorrow the service. Everyone that knows about it tends to give me space during this week every year. Well, everyone except Gai.” Kakashi chuckled again, and Mei grew more thankful for his eternal rival.

“I get everything ready for my visit on this day every year, and then go to pay my respects the following day. It’s gotten better but, I still feel bitterness on this day sometimes, and I don’t want to visit him while I feel this way. Dad doesn’t deserve that from me.”

_‘Yes, he does,’_ Mei thought. She could understand it if Kakashi resented his father for leaving him in such a way. She felt her own temper rising on his behalf, but she checked it before asking, “How old were you?”

“I was eight.”

His answer did nothing to stop the anger building up within her, but Mei wasn’t about to speak her feelings if Kakashi had already made peace with it. Instead, Mei looked at her own teacup and drank from it even though it had gone cold while she listened to him. It helped to cool her tongue before she spoke again, “I admire your ability to forgive him.”

“I was so bitter about it Mei, for so long. I denounced him just like everyone else and let it burn me from the inside out. It took years and more than one unreal experience to change my mind. But I’ll save those stories for another day.” Kakashi finally took another sip of his tea and Mei wondered if he’d ever spoken so much of himself in one sitting before this.

“I understand that Dad was in an impossible situation and he had to make an impossible decision. He did what he thought best, and he took the full weight of the consequences. I accept that it was too much for him. I hate that I added to that, even if it was after he was gone. I’m proud of him now, and I’m proud to be his son, even if I do still feel a little angry on this day every year.”

Kakashi raised his head, and his eyes darted between hers in the intensity of his gaze. “I would’ve told you all this at some point, I’m sure. This is a difficult day for me, that’s all. I wouldn’t have wanted to put you through my foul mood, but I am glad to have you here.” He reached across to hold her hand in his.

Mei released her anger altogether after his final words on the subject. She realized she had at least one, very significant reason to honor Sakumo. A much gentler warmth filled her as she held Kakashi’s gaze and his hand.

“The more I know you, the more precious you become to me.” The words slipped out of Mei’s mouth before she could stop them, but they were the truth, and so she couldn’t regret them. Kakashi’s features visibly softened, and one corner of his mouth lifted in a small, relieved smile.

Mei drew in a quick breath, “What can I do to make this day easier for you Kakashi?”

“Hmm,” Kakashi chuckled as he let go of her hand to take her cold teacup from her. He set both of their cups on the table before he pulled her into an embrace. “You already have, as only you could, just by being here. But-and only if you’re willing, I’d let you make dinner for me tonight.”

“I can do that,” Mei smiled at the simple request that was so like him.

Then inspiration struck her for the second time that day, and she began to form a new plan for her visit even as she asked, “May I come with you to visit him tomorrow?”


	4. Youthful Passion

“Hey, Kakashi.”

The Blue Beast of Konoha was famous for his expressiveness and over the years, Kakashi had learned what to expect from his rival by the way Gai would say his name. When the second syllable of his name was emphasized and spoken at a higher volume, Kakashi knew he was about to be challenged. When Gai’s voice raised in pitch and held onto the third syllable, it would be an invitation. Just now, he heard his name uttered as seriously as Gai could manage, slightly stressing the first syllable and Kakashi knew this meant, _‘let’s talk._ ’

In the years before he became Team Seven’s leader, this greeting irritated him the most and was the one he went out of his way to ignore. In the years that followed, Kakashi had gradually settled into his own skin, and Gai had long since stopped being someone he’d rather avoid. He stepped in the direction of where he’d heard his rival speak, off to the side of the street in the crowded marketplace.

“Hey, Gai. I was wondering when you were going to pipe up; you’ve been following us for a while.” Kakashi couldn’t help his hidden, satisfied smirk as much he couldn’t help pointing out that he’d one-upped his rival again.

“U-uh, yeah. Well I, y’know,” Gai chagrined. He glanced sideways at a disguised Mei, who was occupied with picking out vegetables from a nearby market stall. “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah. Yeah, she knows.” Kakashi lowered his voice as well.

“ _I_ didn’t tell her,” Gai leaned forward in his chair.

“I know, Gai.” Kakashi drew in a deep breath, speaking his next words on the exhale. “I took her for a trip down Memory Lane.”

“Mmm,” Gai relaxed back into his chair, closed his eyes and folded his arms across his chest. It was a moment before he reopened his eyes, followed by a few more moments of staring intently at Kakashi before he spoke again. “ _You_ ok?”

“I’m good, yeah.” Kakashi nodded as he spoke. “I mean I would’ve had to tell her at some point. She’s got to know what she’s getting into,” he looked down and scuffed his shoe on the ground.

Gai let his arms drop as he regarded his rival. His mouth dropped open too, though no words came from it.

“Mei thought the flowers might be for another woman,” Kakashi laughed, filling Gai’s silence. “I couldn’t believe she thought that. I mean, have you _seen_ her?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen her.” Gai chuckled, then stopped short at the glare he received.

Konoha’s Rokudaime Hokage felt all of the ANBU captain he’d once been, silently convincing his rival that Mei would not be among their challenges. Gai put his hands up even though he chuckled again. “Take it easy, Kakashi.”

“Anyway,” Kakashi continued, shocked by his own hot-bloodedness, “she’s coming with me tomorrow.”

“Really? Huh,” Gai lowered his hands to the armrests of his chair as he appeared to approve of this plan, even if he was surprised by it.

“Yeah. She got one of her ‘ideas,’ she’s so impulsive.” Kakashi turned his head to look at her. “It’s tough to say no to her when she gets excited like that,” he laughed and scratched at the back of his head. “So, we’re going to have a picnic there.”

Kakashi looked back just in time to see at least five different emotions play out on Gai’s face. He knew what was coming when his rival raised his fist, shut his eyes, and tears began streaming beneath his massive eyebrows.

“Well, see you later Gai.” Kakashi side-stepped the scene and hurried to catch up with his original companion.

 

“Was he checking up on you?” Kakashi heard Mei’s giggle the moment he was beside her again.

That girlish sound never failed to make him smile, and he had to stop himself from wrapping an arm around her waist while she was disguised in public. He busied his hands by checking the produce laid out in front of him. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

“Don’t be; he’s a dear man. And a good friend to you.” She raised her eyes to meet Kakashi’s, and even though they didn’t look like hers, he saw a sadness within them that he knew belonged to Mei. It passed quickly enough and was gone by the time she lifted her hand to show him the eggplant she held. “How about this one?”

Kakashi looked it over, though his attention was still pulled to her. “This looks good; let’s pick one out for you.”

The woman beside him wrinkled her nose just like Mei did. “Ugh, no. I’ll pick something else for myself. I don’t care for eggplant.”

“Then why are you shopping for it?” Kakashi laughed as he reached to take the bags that contained their other purchases from her.

“Because you like it,” she said offhandedly as she squinted at some asparagus.

Kakashi watched her select a few stalks for herself, and when she noticed he hadn’t replied, she turned to face him. “With miso, right?”

“Yeah, that’s one of my favorites actually,” he stammered, trying to remember if he’d told her that.

“You order it often enough,” she laughed. “I thought I’d make it as part of dinner tonight.”

She returned to her task while Kakashi stared at her. It struck him as odd that, considering what and how much he’d confided of himself to her, that _this_ is what made him feel so exposed to her. A strange sort of gratification washed over him, leaving him a little unsettled, but also unafraid.

Kakashi realized it had been a long time since he’d _felt_ so much in one day, even when he considered what this day meant to him. His agitation had nothing to do with that though. It had everything to do with his inability to see and touch this person that he had divulged so much of himself to, both consciously and unconsciously. He stood there and watched, searching for Mei’s mannerisms underneath her henge while she paid the market stall owner.

She joined him again, and as she added her latest purchases to the bags dangling from his arm, she asked, “I know you like saury too. Which stand do you buy them from?”

Kakashi tried to swallow the emotion that rose to his throat, but it was one too many. He knew he was being irrational; it’s how he always felt before he broke a rule. He took her by the elbow and led her to the corner of an alleyway. She searched his eyes and whispered, “What is it?”

“You.” Kakashi had whispered the word, but it sounded loud in his ears. He rested his forehead against hers. “I don’t want you to disguise yourself when you’re here anymore. I know you’re not, but it feels like you’re hiding and I don’t like it. Naruto knows anyway,” he sent a burst of chakra into her to dispel her henge. He lifted his head, and the widened eyes of the woman in front of him were Mei’s again.

Kakashi tugged his mask down to his chin with his free hand. “Please, Mei.” He threaded the fingers of his free hand into her long auburn locks and kissed her until he hoped she’d be too breathless to argue. He pressed his forehead to hers again and whispered his own torrent of words before he could overanalyze them.

“I know you like sweet and spicy chicken dishes, with noodles instead of rice. I know you hide mocha almond coffee creamer on the second shelf in the back of your refrigerator. You have one birthmark in your hairline behind your right ear and another under your left breast. You like dogs, and that’s important. You play with your hair when you read. Your giggle is the happiest sound I’ve ever heard. I want to know why you’re sad when you think I don’t see it.”

Kakashi took a step back from her, feeling a little light-headed. “The more I know you, the more precious you become to me too, and Mei, I want to know _even_ _more_ about you.”

She stared back at him, incredulous as he tugged his mask back up over his nose. He extended his free arm to her, she took it, and they walked out of the alleyway back to the crowded marketplace.

Which is right where Gai was waiting for them, sobbing, and giving them a thumbs-up.


	5. Tender and Brave

“It was good, really. How much longer are you going to fret about this?”

Kakashi admired Mei’s ambition, so when she shooed him out of the kitchen to make dinner for him, he’d complied. It was only when his sensitive nose alerted him to trouble that he remembered it was probably the first time she made miso-glazed eggplant and broiled saury.

“It was only good because you rescued it in time, and at least until the smoke clears.”

Their eyes had been watering throughout dinner, so Mei and Kakashi opened several windows in his apartment and left their unwashed dishes in the kitchen sink. They then retreated to the bath together, where they closed themselves in while the rest of his home aired out.

Mei brought her hands up to her face, muffling her groan, “I hope I didn’t alarm any of your neighbors.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. This _is_ the Land of Fire.” Kakashi laughed at his own joke as Mei lowered her hands back into the bathwater, her groan echoing off the tiled walls.

“I _can_ cook; I enjoy it actually. After I became Mizukage, I didn’t have much time for myself to get better at it.”

“I know you can; this isn’t the first time you’ve cooked for me.” Kakashi grew thoughtful as he kissed the top of her head, next to the loose bun she’d twisted her auburn hair into. “How old were you when you became Mizukage?”

Mei sat between his legs with her back against his chest. She tilted her head back to rest it on his shoulder. “I was in my late twenties.”

Kakashi hummed, impressed. “I knew you had to be young, but I didn’t realize you were that young.” He turned his face slightly, touching his chin to her temple. “You accomplished a great deal while you held the position too. Kiri is a different place, before and after you.”

Mei shrugged her right shoulder a little and made a noncommittal noise.

Kakashi understood how compliments could make her feel a little embarrassed; they made him feel awkward too. He turned his face a bit more so that his lips brushed the side of her forehead. “So many must’ve been so proud of you.”

Mei’s body tensed, and she swallowed so hard, he could hear it.

“How much do you know of the history of Kirigakure?”

Her voice came out at just above a whisper, weaker than when she’d been sick. Mei suddenly seemed smaller, and he reached out for her, lightly stroking her left arm with the fingers of his left hand as he thought. “I first knew it by its unfortunate nickname and a little of how and why that nickname was earned. I imagine it could’ve been a cruel place, sometimes.”

“It was.” Mei’s voice, though still diminished, carried a little stronger. She circled her arms across her chest defensively, and Kakashi rested his left arm on the edge of the bathtub.

“The first Mizukage, Byakuren, was a cautious man, but also powerful and stern. He established the policy of having limited interaction with the other nations after the Warring States Period. He organized all of Kiri’s society into three classes; the clans that helped to establish our village made up the highest class. The members of clans that had been their allies were also highly regarded. Those belonging to the clans that were defeated and absorbed into Kiri’s population were the lowest and shamed for it. It was those children that were made to fight in order to graduate from the Kirigakure Ninja Academy.”

Kakashi knew some of this, but it had come to him in the form of intel from spies long before the alliance had been established. It was a much different experience to hear it from someone who had lived it, especially when that someone was dear to him.

“Dividing society in such a way caused multiple uprisings. Most of Kiri’s history involves internal fighting. It’s why our nation wasn’t involved in the Second Shinobi War. The internal unrest spanned generations; the members of our population that carried kekkei genkais were feared, ostracized, or worse.”

Kakashi’s hand twitched at these words. He’d known a little of this when Naruto and Sasuke spoke of Haku. Perhaps it was because Mei had already been the highest shinobi of the Mist when he met her, that he never thought she could have been in the same perilous position. _‘But she had to have been,’_ he suddenly realized.

He couldn’t believe he’d made such an incorrect assumption. Kakashi didn’t want to imagine Mei suffering, though he knew she must’ve as a kunoichi. But this was beyond what he expected, and it pained him to hear her recite the history of the Village of the Bloody Mist.

Mei lifted her head off of Kakashi’s shoulder and sat forward a bit. “I’ve spent much of my life hiding. Maybe that’s why I continued to disguise myself when I come here. Even after all this time, even though I don’t have to, my first instinct is to hide. I don’t want to hide from you,” Mei drew in a long, shuddering breath, “but this is what I’ve been most frightened to tell you of myself.”

Kakashi wanted to assure her that she needn’t be frightened, but not knowing what she was about to confide caused him to hesitate. Their nations had been enemies, for a long time. What other possibilities had he neglected to consider? He closed his eyes, cleared his mind so it could remain open to her, and steeled himself for whatever she was about to say.

“My clan was among those annexed into Kirigakure. Owing to our position in society, we lived a fair distance away from the village itself. Because of the purging of other clans, the members of my clan stopped using their kekkei genkais before I was born, in an effort to protect ourselves from persecution. I didn’t even know it existed until it awakened within me.

“Like many of my classmates within my designated caste, we boarded at school while we attended the academy. I understand now that we were segregated from the other students. We were a small class, and close. We ate together, we learned together, we played together, and we lived together. We looked forward to graduating together.”

His eyes flew open at this. He feared Mei’s dark secret would’ve involved _his_ comrades, not hers. He couldn’t deny the relief that washed over him. Kakashi wondered if it was a little selfish of him to feel that way, but whether it was or not, it was much easier for him to listen to her. “Is that what first triggered your kekkei genkai?”

Mei turned her head so that he could see her profile, but she didn’t meet his eyes. “If I’d known, I would never have…Kakashi, I—”

Kakashi sat upright, wrapping her in his arms and pulling her against him again. “Any other outcome would mean you wouldn’t be here now. Please don’t ask me to imagine that, Mei.”

“It was more than my classmates though, Kakashi.” Mei cringed in his hold, but he wasn’t about to let her go. She let her head fall back against him again. “I was followed home.”

Kakashi felt the wind knocked out of him. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw until he could trust himself to sound calm when he spoke, “How old were you?”

“I was nine.”

Kakashi held her tighter and buried his face in her hair. “How many of you survived?”

“If there were others, I’ve never seen them. I wouldn’t blame them for not coming forward, even after I became Mizukage. It was my fault, after all.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Mei, you’re not to blame.” He wondered how many times he’d heard the same words directed at him, spoken as vehemently as he now said them to her.

“My mother hid me away,” Mei continued in an emotionless tone. It struck Kakashi as so unlike her. “I don’t know how long I remained there, but eventually… it was my academy teacher that found me. He was one of the members of a growing resistance, and then I was hidden away among them.

“Being Mizukage was my atonement. The least I could do was make sure it could never happen again. But I don’t know if it’s enough, I don’t know if I could _ever_ do enough,” here Mei’s voice finally cracked, and she turned her face to press it into Kakashi’s neck. “I thought you would hate me; I thought you’d never want to touch me or look at me again.” He felt her breath and her lips against his skin as she spoke her fear aloud.

Kakashi didn’t know what words he could say to prove how wrong she was, so he turned his face to kiss her forehead, long and soft before he attempted any. “I think you’ve done more than enough. You have made sure it couldn’t happen again, and more, Mei. The peace we have now couldn’t have been achieved without you.”

When he thought there couldn’t be anything else, Mei admitted, “I’m jealous of your friends.”

Not for the first time, not even for the first time _that day_ , Kakashi found himself unable to keep up with Mei’s racing thoughts. “What?”

“If I seem sad sometimes when you talk about your friends, it’s because I’m jealous. I don’t have friends like yours. Friendships like that were impossible in the Village of the Bloody Mist.”

“They’re becoming your friends too.” Kakashi felt Mei’s hot tears finally begin to fall against his neck and he knew that signaled the end of her confession. He reclined in the tub, pulling her back with him and held her as she silently wept; until long after the bathwater had gone cold.


	6. Renewal

Kakashi lingered in bed with his eyes closed as he listened to the birds chirping at dawn, though that hadn’t been what woke him. He focused on the cheerful sound to drown out the final fading echoes of the words Yamato had shouted at him years before he went by that name, or the name before it, _‘Friend-Killer Kakashi.’_

As difficult as it had been for him to tell Mei about his father, it wasn’t the most difficult truth that Kakashi owned. Accepting and understanding her confession had eased more than _her_ mind. He still hadn’t told her about the incident with Rin, both he and Mei had reopened enough wounds for one day. However, he now knew that he _could_ tell her and that she, perhaps more than anyone he’d ever known, would accept and understand him in return. What’s more, now that Kakashi knew that Mei had either been in hiding or fighting a different battle within Kiri during the Third Shinobi War, it was impossible that she could’ve been involved in sealing the Three-Tails within Rin. Mei had silenced his greatest fear of what could come between them without even knowing it.

His bed felt cool and light on the left side, which meant Mei was not lying there beside him. Kakashi didn’t worry that she had gone far, he guessed that she had exchanged her urge to run in favor of offering her secret. The possibility that she too had quietly woken from a nightmare got him up and out of bed to check on her.

He found Mei in the next room, standing where a Christmas tree had once stood. Her arms were wrapped around her chest, hugging herself and the old jounin shirt of Kakashi’s that she slept in sometimes, as she stared outside through one of the windows of his living room.

Kakashi approached and stood behind her before lifting her long braid off of her shoulder. He let it slide through his fingers, feeling her woven silken strands of hair before he rested his hands on her shoulders. Mei relaxed her stance a little, and he gently rubbed her arms up and down from her shoulders to her elbows.

“I don’t think your jutsu sounds like them. How did you come to call it chidori?”

“Someone else called it that, after the famous sword by that name and it stuck. Originally, I had called it raikiri.”

“That makes much more sense, and it fits the jutsu better, I think. It’s quite impressive, you know. Powerful, but also beautiful,” Mei’s voice trailed off.

It was the first time Kakashi had heard the word ‘beautiful’ used to describe the lightning cutter, and while it wasn’t a word he would’ve thought to associate with it, he appreciated that Mei did.

“Is it really alright for me to have this happiness with you, Kakashi?”

Mei’s softly-spoken question interrupted his thoughts. His first instinct was to answer her question with a question, the same question as a matter of fact, but he stopped himself short. It sounded an awful lot like she was asking for permission and he wasn’t sure if it was him that she needed it from. However, Kakashi was the only one there to answer her.

“Yes.”

He walked around her and Mei’s eyes met his as he arrived in front of her. They held each other’s gaze as he got down on both knees and circled his arms around her waist. Kakashi rested the side of his face against her body and squeezed his arms tighter around her. She lowered her arms, and he felt her fingers twined in his hair, her fingernails lightly scratching his scalp.

Kakashi closed his eyes, dissatisfied with the texture of his old jounin shirt against his cheek. It was worn and pilling from so many wears and washes and not at all the kind of softness that he wanted to feel. He unclasped his hands to bunch the shirt up higher and rested his cheek against the warm, smooth skin of Mei’s abdomen. It gave a little as he pressed the side of his face into it. Her question remained on Kakashi’s lips waiting for him to ask it of her, but as he inhaled the scent of her skin, it became a statement. “I want this happiness with you.”

Mei reached one of her hands to caress his ear and the exposed side of his face. He turned to press his nose into her, and his stubble gently scratched against the sensitive skin of her abdomen. Mei giggled at the tickling sensation, and so Kakashi did it again, smiling at her reaction. “Ka-kashi,” her voice caught while saying his name when her abdomen fluttered in response to him.

What he meant to be a playful kiss became purposeful when he felt her body quiver against his face. Kakashi had spent much of his life restraining impulses and urges, but Mei had the uncanny ability to ignite a fire within him more quickly than he could contain it. Months of learning her body, committing what pleased her most to memory hadn’t lessened how often, or how vigorously he wanted her.

His mouth felt hot and hungry as it pulled at, rather than caressed Mei’s soft, sensitive skin. Kakashi straightened his back, kissing his way higher up her body; pushing the shirt up as he went, spurred on by her low and throaty hum of approval. Her fingers twisted and pulled a little harder in his unruly silver hair as he searched for the raised bump of her birthmark beneath her left breast with his tongue. His nose pressed into the soft swell of her skin when he found the mark and suckled it.

Kakashi retracted his arms from around Mei’s waist to hook his fingers into the top of her panties. He slowly, teasingly tugged them down as he kissed his way back over her newly exposed skin as well. He could hear her breath quicken as he brought the undergarment down for her to step one leg out and then the other.

Kakashi sat back on his heels, looking up at her as Mei pulled his shirt off over her head. He ran his hands up the front of her shins, around her knees and up the backs of her thighs. He raised himself to meet her midsection and pulled her toward his mouth again.

Mei took one step back and then another, to where she could recline on his sofa. Kakashi dropped to all fours, slowly chasing after her; meeting her heavy, heated gaze with his own. Once she could go no further and reclined back, he parted her legs and dipped his head between them. He placed his hands on either side of her hips, pulling and guiding her body to where he wanted it. He closed his eyes as he covered the most sensitive and secret place of her body with his mouth, and opened them again when he ran his tongue between the folds it found there.

He watched the graceful arc of her back and felt her fingers twisting in his hair again. Kakashi kept his eyes open after Mei had closed hers and watched his lover’s body undulate in pleasure. Every gasp, every moan sent another urgent jolt through him that gathered between his legs, until he was engorged with his need for her.

Kakashi sat upright; he was swollen and extended through the gap in the front of the cotton trousers he slept in. He pushed them down over his hips as Mei waited for him, whimpering in anticipation for him to enter her.

He pulled her further down from the edge of the sofa, so her hips could better meet his where he knelt in front of her. Kakashi ran his hands up the sides of Mei’s body and behind her back, easing her onto him, and himself within. When he could go no further, he paused, the sensation of being engulfed in her impossible heat washing over him. Mei wrapped her legs around him, her body accepted him as eagerly as the rest of her, and he closed his eyes to the familiar pleasure of penetrating deep within her.

They moved against each other, pushing and pulling, giving and taking until he felt Mei’s legs shake, then tense. Kakashi had long known what that signaled, and he spoke above his thrusts, “Yes, come for me.”

It sounded like a demand but felt like a plea, and he stilled his body at her breathless sigh. She squeezed and released him so sweetly inside of her. Kakashi’s head fell back, and he gave himself over to the fulfillment that came over him and out of him.

It took a moment for his eyes to refocus and another for him to catch his breath enough to speak. Even then, “Wow,” was all Kakashi could manage. Mei giggled, and he felt it inside and out of her body. It was the most content he’d ever felt, and he had to speak it.

“We’re allowed to have this happiness, Mei.”


	7. Epilogue

“Hey, Dad. This is Mei— well, I ought to introduce her as Lady Mei Terumī, or Lady Godaime Mizukage, but she’s Mei to me.”

Mei looked up from her task of spreading a small blanket on the ground. “Hello,” she smiled at the stone that marked Sakumo’s resting place.

Kakashi looked back at Mei when she spoke. The midday sun shone on her long auburn hair, and the sight matched the bright, warm tone of her voice. He smiled behind his mask as she began to unpack their picnic, already pleased with how this visit was different from the ones that came before it.

He returned his attention to the stone. “Anyway, she’s the one I told you about before, Dad. I uh, managed to ask her out since my last visit and we’ve been spending a lot of time together. I think it’s actually turning out well for me,” Kakashi chuckled quietly and looked over his shoulder at Mei’s soft giggle.

“She makes the days much more interesting, better. I’m glad that I have so much time to spend with her,” he spoke as he eased himself down on the blanket and lifted the lid from the bento box Mei had placed near him. “This picnic was her idea so, be on your best behavior now Dad.” Kakashi separated a pair of chopsticks and prepared to eat his lunch in record time before their outing could draw too much attention to themselves.

Mei left her lunch for the time being as she placed the flowers that she’d been suspicious of the day before, in the holder that was attached to the marker. “I’m glad to know of you, Hatake-san. Your son speaks highly of you, and I hope to learn more about you from him.” Mei retrieved the third bento box she’d put together, opened it and placed the offering near the flowers.

“Thank you for giving Kakashi to us; he’s important to us. We wouldn’t have this peace without him.” Kakashi looked down at his lunch as she spoke, slowed his chewing and swallowed a portion of the large mouthful he’d taken.

 “And thank you for helping to shape him into the man that he is. He brings me happiness; he’s become rather dear to me.” Mei brushed the fingers of one of her hands over Sakumo’s name, etched in the stone. “Please look kindly upon us,” she finished.

Kakashi watched as Mei sat back and separated her pair of chopsticks. He chewed the last bite of his lunch and swallowed it. “You’d like to know more about him?”

“Yes, if you don’t mind telling me.” Mei took a bite of her lunch and covered her mouth as she chewed it. “It’s fun for me to imagine you as a boy too,” she giggled and returned her attention to her meal.

Kakashi pulled his mask up over his nose as he considered which story to start with. Several stories later, he was too involved with the tale to notice that his rival had crept close enough to hear Mei giggling. Gai smiled, briefly watching without a single tear to blur his vision as Kakashi looked up at her from where his head lay in her lap, and reached his hand up to brush her hair out of her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the fans of this rare pair, there’s a Tumblr event on May 5 and 6, 2019! I’ll be sharing all of the submissions from my blog too (also ohayohimawari), so be sure to follow me if you’d like to see them! Time permitting, I hope to have the next installment of this series ready to post for the event. Thank you for reading, and for your kind comments. I appreciate the encouraging feedback on my stories XOXO


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